Fading
by Starbby
Summary: Bella has finally been turned. The Cullens are all ecstatic to have her as a true part of the family. However, when Bella wakes, everything takes a turn for the worst. What happens when Bella loses her memories of the Cullens altogether? Post-Eclipse AU
1. Bella: Lost

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**Chapter One: Lost**

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I was burning.  
There was no salvation to the fiery torture that ripped through my body, leaving only blackness and pain in its destruction. The raging flames tore through me relentlessly, and through the blackness I could hear detached screams. Could those possibly me mine? It didn't feel like I was moving, it didn't even feel like I was breathing. It didn't sound like it.  
I knew I wasn't dead. Pain did not come with you when you died, it was supposed to fade; along with every other human feeling, leaving you empty and numb. I did not feel numb, but I did want to die. I wanted everyone to know that. But my body would not respond to my mind, and my lips would not form the words.  
I could feel their eyes on me. I couldn't see anything, of course, but I could sense that there were others there, watching me suffer. Why wouldn't they kill me? Couldn't they hear the longing to perish in my screams, the wish that someone would just end me right then?  
From time to time, I would feel pressure on my skin, and my hopes soared. They were going to end my suffering. However, each time, the hopes were crushed—along with a small fracture of my sanity. Everything faded from my mind, I didn't care where, when, what, or who these people were, I just wanted them to end my life. I couldn't even remember myself during the overwhelming pain.  
Then at some point, everything escaped me. My memories flew from behind my eyes, and I was only able to grasp at very few precious things from where I lay in this dark abyss. I was Bella Swan. I lived in Forks Washington. My parents were Charlie and Renee. The rest fled too quickly before I could even glance at them. The pain dulled, and I found myself able to move, to feel different textures and temperatures. All of the heat receded, until I felt numb and empty. Absentmindedly, I moved my hand to my chest, where my heart thudded feebly. Once, twice, three times; and then it froze.  
My eyes flew open, and I heard a few collective gasps from where I lay. I was not alone. Out of instinct, I let out a shrill scream of terror. Seven people came rushing toward me. Instinct took over again, and I leapt up—a lot more gracefully than normal, but I didn't have time to ponder that—and flew easily away from the faces. Something in the back of my mind stung as I saw a few of them.  
The first was small and round, belonging to a girl that was at least a head shorter than me. Her hair was short and spiked, her golden eyes looking anxiously at me. She had very childish, almost pixie-like features. I narrowed my eyes at her, only then realizing how acute my vision was. Her voice was only a whisper, but I heard it, clear as a bell, as if she were right next to me. I tried to shrug the wonder of these new senses off; I had more pressing matters to focus on.  
"Edward..." Her voice trembled as she gazed at another, a boy.  
His face made my eyes sting uncomfortably—why did I feel like crying? He had perfect features; his face was angelic as he gazed at me with molten gold eyes. His hair was unruly and bronze, and I could see his face wrinkle with stress as he nodded once to the smaller girl, then looked back at me. His gaze was smoldering, and the stinging in my eyes grew stronger as he took a wary step toward me.  
"Bella, love..." His voice was cautious and unsteady, almost as if he were about to cry too.  
How did he know my name? And why did he call me love? It must be some new thing that kids these days were saying. I had to suppress an amused sigh. I was such an old lady sometimes. Oh, right, I had more important things to deal with right now than my horribly outdated slang and fashion. I glared at him, and he cringed.  
"Who are you?" I asked, and I could feel the shock plainly on my face as I heard my voice. It was high and clear, like a beautiful soprano, but was still laced with an audible amount of suspicion. This was not my voice, though it may have come from my lips. I kept a wary eye at him, and almost winced when his face crumpled. What did I say? And why was I so worried about what happened to these strangers anyways? _They_ had kidnapped _me_.  
"Bella, it's me, Edward." He said in a silky velvet tone, and I felt a ripple of longing from the way he said our names, like they were fit to go together. But I didn't even know the guy, and everyone was making me feel like a fool for my ignorance. I rolled my eyes.  
"Yeah, and I'm Bella Swan. That's not what I meant, smart-aleck." I said sarcastically, and I heard a snicker from somewhere in the crowd. My eyes zeroed in on the source, and I immediately felt a wave of fear crash through me. A huge, bear-like man was standing towards the back of the room, his thick muscles visible through the tight shirt he wore. I immediately felt intimidated. Were these people a gang?  
"Emmett, you might not want to bring attention to yourself. She's pretty terrified." My eyes flickered to the next voice, a pale blond, with eyes the same color all the others seemed to have; liquid topaz. They must be related. A gang family. Huh.

I focused on him, and an instinctive hiss rolled from my chest. He was covered in white, crescent scars; he _had_ to be a thug. I didn't have time to freak out about the weird noise I'd just made when the bronze-haired boy, Edward, spoke again. He seemed to be pointedly ignoring everyone else but me.  
"Your name is Bella Cullen, dear. You're a vampire, just like me. Just like all of us." He said, and from the tone of his voice, he seemed to be hoping that I'd have some reaction to all of this. I snorted. Vampires? Please. The thoughts of them being a gang were gone, for sure—maybe a group of insane asylum escapees—but I still felt a little intimidated by the big beefy guy and that boy with a bunch of scars. The rest of them actually seemed very innocent; there was a motherly looking woman, another tall blonde man wearing a gentle expression, and (my jaw fell open when I saw her) what had to be the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. I struggled to regain my composure, and then turned my eyes to glare at Edward again.  
"No, my name is Isabella _SWAN_, and I'm sane enough to not believe this gibberish, thank you very much." I replied, crossing my arms and turning for the exit.  
Boy, they were _fast_. All seven of them were at the door before I moved an inch, and my jaw dropped open (again) in disbelief. The big guy, Emmett, chuckled. I cringed away. They stood there, watching me like I was about to attack. Were they _scared_ of me? I thought of how I hissed at the scarred boy earlier, and suddenly 'vampire' took on a new meaning. Looking down at myself, and seeing the obvious changes in my body, I suddenly realized what I had become. I gritted my teeth together, trying to remember back when I was human. Foggy and broken memories filtered through my mind: the big guy and the scar boy voting against how many humans I would kill; the gorgeous blonde trying to persuade me to stay human (why on earth didn't I listen to her?); Edward telling me how much stronger I would be as a newborn... Edward... I blinked and gazed up at the bronze haired vampire. A strong feeling of desire exploded in my stomach, and I took an unsteady step forward. As a human, I was sure that I would have fallen flat on my face with dizziness by now. I stroked Edward's cheek softly with the palm of my hand. Everyone around him tensed, but he closed his eyes and smiled faintly. There were the memories, hiding behind a thick veil, just out of my reach. Me and Edward in a meadow, him sparkling like a diamond in the sun; watching in horror as Edward screamed in agony at my feet, a little raven haired girl smiling evilly at him; Edward standing at the altar, beaming radiantly as he slid a ring onto my finger; perfect, marble lips at my throat, pearl white teeth sinking into my pale skin, the _fire_ burning everything else out... I gasped and stared up at him, terrified. His face, which had begun to look hopeful, fell instantly at my expression. He lifted his palm to brush it against my face, but I recoiled.  
"You... It was you..." I whispered, my voice shaking.  
Edward seemed to understand. He bit his lip, forehead crinkling in concern. "I'm so sorry, Bella..."  
I shook my head. The fire, the pain; why would he do this to me? "Who do you think you are!?" I demanded, furious now.  
Edward blinked, his expression hurt. "Your husband..." He said in a timid tone, inching forward slightly.  
My eyes widened. "My… husband?" I repeated in a dazed tone, forcing the memory of him sliding an elegant ring onto my finger back.

Edward nodded slightly, and took my hand. I was frozen in place, unable to move a muscle. "Bella, I love you…" He tried, stepping closer.

A sudden wave of resent washed over me, and I glared at him. "If you love me like you say, why would you put me through that?!" I asked, horrified now.  
Edward winced, but he did not reply. Someone behind him murmured "You asked for it." I didn't respond to them. Backing away several steps, I swept my gaze over the seven vampires staring at me, golden eyes strained with worry. My lower lip jutted out, and the sting returned to my eyes. "I hate you!" I shouted in a broken sob, then turned and burst through the window.


	2. Edward: Forgotten

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AN:Sorry it took so long for me to post the second one, I was a bit busy with school and whatnot. (: Enjoy, from Edward Point of View! (Ten reviews and I'll post the next chapter. ;D)

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**Chapter Two: Forgotten**

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Every one of her screams was like physical pain to me.

I sat with my face buried into my palms, unable to watch Bella's suffering. It was torture. I hated myself for putting her through so much pain. I was a monster. No matter how much Bella insisted she'd wanted this, I knew there would always be a small part of resentment toward me. Maybe it was also the fact that I knew exactly what she was going through that made it so much worse. It may have been over a hundred years ago, but a vampire's transformation is always the clearest memory they will have. Cringing, I brought my head up to gaze at my love. Her body convulsed with the pain, and I felt like my limb had just been torn off. This was unbearable. It was difficult to watch, yet I knew that I couldn't leave her side. I couldn't leave my Bella to suffer alone.

Often, I would stand and grasp her hand just for the mere comfort of being able to touch her. It felt like if I went to long without holding her, then the nightmare would become real and she would vanish right before my eyes. This was how it had been since I'd met her. She was too good to be real, and all I could do was tarnish her by hurting her even more. That was all I could do. Hurt. Just like a monster.

Bella shrieked, and I winced, rushing forward from my immobile position and grasping her hand. Jasper shot me a warning look, but I ignored him. I needed to be with Bella right now.

"Bella, love. Can you hear me?" I asked uncertainly, stroking her palm gently with my thumb. Her skin was getting colder, it almost matched mine. Her skin felt like silk beneath my fingertips. I sighed and bent down to press my lips against her forehead.

"I'm sorry." I whispered softly, brushing my fingers against the crescent scar curling around her neck. A surge of self-hatred crashed through me, and I clenched my free hand into a tight fist. Carlisle drifted forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. I grimaced, but forced myself to remain still. The last thing I wanted right now was to harm him, too, even if it was only his feelings.

_She's going to be alright, son. You've done so well._ His attempt to reassure me was countered by another one of Bella's heartbreaking screams. I was not convinced in the slightest. But I wouldn't let him know that. I turned around to smile weakly at him.

"Thank you, Carlisle." I managed to say without my voice breaking. I heard a gasp from behind me, and whirled around. Alice was staring in the distance, her gaze unfocused. When she came back, she shot me a pained glance, and then quickly looked away.

My world shattered. I could not hear the others as Alice explained her vision, because there was a loud buzzing in my ear that drowned out everything else. I couldn't even hear my own thoughts over the drone. Bella. Her memories, gone. How was it possible? I didn't care for explanations right now, though Carlisle and Alice were trying to create some at the moment. I wasn't paying attention to them. I wasn't paying attention to Esme, either, who was murmuring soothing words in my ear that I couldn't even understand. No words made sense to me. Nothing made sense to me. Nothing mattered. I was even unaffected as a blanket of peace tried to crack through the barriers that had locked over my entire being. I unfroze only to glare at Jasper, and the fake emotions quickly vanished.

Bella's scream brought me tumbling back to reality. I realized I was trembling. I turned to her immediately, and crumpled at her side. I had lost her. My sweet, precious Bella. Gone. I pressed my ear against her chest and closed my eyes, listening to her racing heartbeats. They were pounding faster, harder, than the pounding in my ears, and suddenly everything melted away except for the acceleration of her heart. I listened closely as it throbbed, then faltered, then stopped; forever.

I straightened up, and, following Alice's unspoken advice, took several steps away from Bella. I watched her closely as she lifted a hand to her silent heart, and immediately felt frustrated and in dismay. Her thoughts were silent to me. I'd hoped that, now that her mind was more similar to my own, I'd finally be able to penetrate the innermost crevices of her psyche. Alas, I was still hindered, and her thoughts were still a secret to me. I leaned forward, but Carlisle gripped my shoulder, firmly this time, to hold me back. I fought down a snarl, which wasn't very hard as it was replaced by a gasp. Bella's eyes had slid open, and now I took a deliberate step forward. I heard my family gasp with me. It was Bella's terrified scream that had me immediately breaking Carlisle's hold and rushing forward towards my wife. Nobody would hold me back from my Bella, not when she was in distress.

However, before I could ask her what had frightened her, she escaped us. I watched in awe as she twirled up elegantly and launched herself from the table with one foot, landing softly outside of the circle that we had made around her. She was much more graceful than I could have ever imagined. I took a step towards her, and it was Alice who held me back this time. I sighed irritably. Why were they so intent on keeping me away from the woman whom I loved? I turned towards my sister, ready to lash out at her, but froze when I saw the same, glazed over expression on her face as before. She snapped back into the present, and shot me a meaningful gaze. I wrinkled my forehead. Right. Bella wouldn't know me now, so I should stay back. But I couldn't. She was still my Bella. And I still loved her with all of my being. I nodded dismissively to Alice; she huffed, but did not protest when I took a cautious step forward, my dark eyes locking with Bella's scarlet ones.

"Bella, love…" I tried to hold back the pain in my voice, but didn't do a very good job of it, as my family's thoughts suggested. I shrunk back at the glare she gave me; I'd never seen Bella look at me with such distaste and suspicion. I felt a ripple of misery course through me, but it was nothing compared to her next query.

"Who are you?" The words tore at my mind like razors, and I felt the wave of depression engulf me. Though I had seen it in Alice's mind before, it was far worse when it came from Bella's actual lips. I gazed at her, forcing my lips to move, struggling to find my mind and speak.

"Bella, it's me, Edward." I replied, my voice sounding like it was detached from my body. At least, that was how I felt at the moment. This could not be real. This was just too much for me to take. I focused on breathing, and, though it didn't calm me, it cleared my mind slightly.

Her sarcasm might have made me laugh any other given day, but on this one, it only made me cringe. _Swan._ She had used Swan as her last name. This confirmed all of Alice's visions, all of my worst fears. I followed her gaze to Emmett, and sighed softly when she hissed at Jasper. Of course, they were the only two menacing ones in the room. I took her opportunity of distraction to edge forward. She didn't seem to care, but her eyes instantly narrowed at me. I frowned.

"Your name is Bella Cullen, dear. You're a vampire, just like me. Just like all of us." I murmured, hoping my words would help her mind click. Had she truly forgotten everything? Even that we were married. I couldn't bear to accept it. I would stay in denial. I sighed and shook my head as she retorted, then whirled around—I was still amazed by her grace—and took a step towards the door. I realized at that moment that she didn't realize her true abilities. She had moved rather slow for a vampire when she stepped forward, so I seized the opportunity and flashed to the door before she could take another step. The rest of my family appeared to have the same idea, but I was too concentrated on Bella to pay any mind to their thoughts. I instantly regretted the motion—she was already scared enough and all we were doing was making her feel more intimidated. I quickly straightened out of my defensive crouch, and the rustle of movement behind me told me that the others had as well. Bella stared at us in utter shock, and I was suddenly afraid that she might lose control on us. She seemed to see the slight fear and hesitation on our faces, because her shock was replaced with disbelief. I glanced at the floor, embarrassed.

She suddenly stepped forward and placed her hand on my cheek. I smiled hopefully, and looked up to meet her gaze. Alice tensed beside me, but this time I didn't want to know; I blocked out her thoughts. I heard Bella's gasp, and dread replaced the small bit of hope that had wedged itself into my heart. I opened my eyes reluctantly, and felt my heart shatter at her horrified expression. Her memories had come back, but not the good ones.

It took only one word to pierce me, and she spoke with in a trembling voice that made the nonexistent tears sting at my eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." I said, my mind whirling. How could I explain to her how sorry I truly was? How could I tell her my yearning to take it all back, to go back in time? I couldn't find my voice, so the words hung there for a moment, before her retort. I had not expected her to sound to _angry_ when she next spoke, and I stood, shocked for a moment, before my face twisted into something that the others classified as agony. I winced at the way my face looked through their minds. I was a mess.

I stared at Bella blankly for a few moments, before two words choked up through my lips. "Your husband…" I said softly, taking a fraction of a step forward. Was it really so shocking to admit that we were married? Had she forgotten that day, the most important moment of my existence? I grimaced. I slid forward, more obvious now, and grasped her hand in mine. She was so soft, and warm, and everything that I could have ever dreamed. "Bella, I love you." The words had left my lips without me having to even exert the effort, they were the words that coursed through my body; the ones I could say and mean entirely truthfully. So why was she glaring at me, when I'd just reminded her of my passion for her?

"If you love me like you say, why would you put me through that?!" The words sent my heart pummeling down to my feet, and I honestly had nothing to say to them. I heard Emmett's snide remark, and felt the urge to tear one of his limbs off. I almost did, but it was Bella's next words that cut through me, slicing away all of the things I was here for and leaving me falling. The words rang in my ears, in my head, and radiated through all my body. I could feel the others surrounding me, but her words were clouding me, suffocating me. I did not realize that I was sobbing on the floor until I felt Esme's soothing touch. She lifted me and sat me gently on the chair, stroking my hair, whispering soothing words that were drowned out by three louder ones. I did not move after that. Her words had destroyed me, left me empty.

"I hate you!" Played over and over again in my mind like a broken record.


	3. Bella: Creature

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**A/N: Aw, what the hell. I finished this far earlier than expected, and I was so excited after that I just couldn't wait to post it! So here you go, guys, the next part of Fading! R&R, plzkthx!**

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**Chapter 3: Creature**

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Because there were a million things and yet no things going through my mind, because I could feel nothing and yet I still felt everything, and because I knew exactly where I was but I had absolutely no idea where _I_ was—I ran. It was as effortless as seeing, as hearing, as speaking, and as scenting. All of which I was now completely perfect at. My legs flew without me having to command them; the leaf-strewn ground and murky forest haze—which told me that it was somewhere mid-fall—were completely undisturbed by my body. It might have been unnerving; if I could actually _pick_ an emotion from the trillions of them already filling me, even those that were unnamed, yet still there. I was a jumble, a mess; a horrible, beautiful, disaster. And most of all, I was entirely, brain-rackingly, terrified.

I was not in Forks; that much was obvious, as the temperature was dry and sunlight shot through in greenish hues through the thick forest canopy, making my skin glitter like a fucking disco ball. What the hell? I honestly had more worries than sparkling skin and the fact that I my breathing never got labored or ragged, even though I'd been running for at least two hours flat. It occurred to me that in the long time I had in fact been fleeing, there was an eerie silence that existed outside of the noise of jumbled thoughts in my own mind. I slowed to a stop, and strained my ears. At first, I could hear only the gentle whisper of the wind breezing through the thick greenery and the clear babble of a nearby river. Then there was the thumping. Sets of thumping were surrounding me, each group going with a different tempo, something that I couldn't quite make out. It took me six seconds after that to decipher the noise as heartbeats. Holy crow, I'd scared away all the animals. Well, it wasn't exactly offending—I'd taken a few whiffs of them and trust me, they smelled rather unappealing—but the unperturbed solitude was suddenly crushing me. And of course, the scent of other creatures around brought to my attention the searing flames that trickled down my throat and into my lungs with each breath I took. Jesus, I was _thirsty—_and yet the scent of the water from the river about three miles out did not relieve or excite me. It smelled worse than the animals, actually. I stopped breathing at once, my mind whirling with the thirst and the loneliness. I had to get out of here. I tasted the air around me; let the flavors and my sudden sense of direction lead me towards the less natural and slightly more polluted air that told me I was near civilization. I was going north. That, at least, I knew; but what I didn't know was how far I had to _go_ north to return to Forks. I would have to keep running, I realized. Charlie was probably worried sick, oh god, how long had I been missing? I pressed my lips into a hard, thin line, and then let myself go to the rhythmic fluttering of my feet against the uneven forest floor.

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I had crossed the Atlantic two months ago. I had been in Brazil. What the hell had I been doing in freaking _Brazil_?! I didn't care to know, but I was damn well glad that I was out of there. I was in Idaho now, and I hadn't strayed from the secluded and uninhabited parts of America if I could help it. Once or twice, maybe three times—alright, nine times—I had stumbled too close to the humans and… Well I'll just say that it was a pretty big (and delicious) mess. And, call me guilty, I had overindulged a little last night with a reckless teenage couple. I'd saved the boy for early in the morning—after toying with him for a bit—and had been able to relieve the bitter harpy in me that had resulted from having a demon (in more ways than one) for a husband. I felt content and more energetic than usual. I was sure that I would make it to Forks in a few hours—ah; I had just crossed the state line and was now breezing through Washington.

Oh, unless… My body locked up instinctively, muscles tensing as I slid into a half-crouch and venom pooled into my mouth. I watched as the three hikers came into view; I saw them far before they saw me. During the moments it took for them to see me, I tore at my clothing, smudged dirt and leaves into my tangled hair, then onto my skin, and lay myself on the forest floor. I heard their hearts instantly pick up—they were men, of course—the moment they spotted me. I swallowed back the excessive venom in my mouth and, sucking in a short breath, made a small, helpless whimper; just to add to the effect. God, how I loved to play with my food. They kneeled beside me, and I could feel the warmth of their blood flowing, smooth and warm, under their thin, easily breakable, skin. All it took was one brush of the nearest one's hand against my face to set loose the hunter.

"Dear god, do you think she's d—"

I cut him off with a simple clench of my fingers around his throat, and then let him drop to the ground. He did not have enough fear to suit my taste; it was the fear that sweetened the blood, and the goddamn love that made it bitter as hell. I rose, my eyelashes curling upward in a dramatic effect as they revealed the fierce crimson irises that burned into his blank, glossy stare. My lips pulled back into a smile, and I flashed my brilliant ivory teeth at the two remaining, smelling the fear that sprang into their bloodstream and had their hearts beating frantically against their chest, calling to me. Only one of them jumped up and ran, the other was rooted to the spot, his eyes wide in fear, his pulse tempting me. I flew gracefully forward, past him and towards the one who was attempting escape. Adrenaline and the urge to survive mingled with the sweet fear in him, so I crushed his skull and threw him against a tree. Then I skipped backwards and locked my arms around the last one's body, pressing my chest against his back. He was shaking now, with the fear, but still his feet would not move. I grinned, sliding my tongue along the crook of his neck, tracing the line of the vein there, where the blood pounded the hardest. I felt him shiver, but whether it was from the fright, the cold, or perhaps the lust of a beautiful woman curving against his body, I didn't know or care. One of my hands clutched his chin, tilting his head to the side to expose the smooth skin of his neck. Then I pierced him. Hot, thick blood flowed into my mouth, soothing the burn in my throat as I drank greedily. His scream sent a thrill through me, and I tightened my grip until the shriek died into a weak gurgle.

"Bella, no!"

I had not noticed the two new scents before, as I was enraptured with my prey, but now they hit me, and my gaze flew up. I smelled Edward before he appeared, the all too familiar scent of a gentle and calming vanilla. Another voice followed closely after Edward, and though it was new to my vampire ears, I knew it the moment I heard it, and my mind instantly clicked together a name with the husky tone.

"What? You're telling me that this _creature_ is Bella?!" I wrinkled my nose, more against the putrid smell that accompanied the tall gangly boy that ran in behind Edward than the disgust and horror in that voice. Jacob Black's eyes were wide with shock at what I had become.


	4. Jacob: Reunion

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**Chapter Four: Reunion**

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What the hell was going on? Weren't the bloodsuckers supposed to keep Bella under control? How had they allowed this to happen?

All three of us were rooted to the spot; Edward was staring at Bella, and Bella was staring at me. My gaze was adverted to the corpse at her feet. I could see Edward stiffen from my peripheral vision—I assumed it was from listening to my horrified and somewhat incoherent thoughts. I honestly didn't care, though. I was in utter shock. A strange noise escaped my lips; it was something between a howl and a growl. Very slowly, my eyes moved up to meet Bella's vivid crimson ones. Rather than seeing ferocity and hunger, as I had a moment before, I saw confusion and wonder. She took a step toward me, and both Edward and I crouched lower, tensing. She surprised us both.

"Jake," She breathed, tentatively lifting her hand toward me. My shaking stopped, and I straightened up, throwing a bewildered glance at Edward. He turned to look at me, and his expression mirrored mine. I thought he said she'd lost her human memories. Why did she remember me? Confused, I walked toward her. Edward's hand twitched as if he were going to stop me, but he remained in place when Bella's attention turned briefly to him; her eyes hardened and a hiss slid from her teeth. _What was going on?_ Slightly uncomfortable, I closed the distance between us, fighting against my instinct to recoil—or attack. Her palm pressed against my cheek, and I shivered from the iciness of her touch. Her sickly sweet, icy scent was clouding my nose; I wrinkled it.

"Jacob!" She said again, more enthusiastically. Jeez, what was wrong with her? Did she or did she not have amnesia? God, I was too confused to function. And she wasn't helping by stunning me with the brilliance of her smile, her freaky red eyes sparkling like I was her lost lover or something. Edward growled lowly at that. I almost snickered, but was stopped short when she threw her arms around me, sighing my name. My jaw dropped, and I pushed her away.

"What the hell, Bella? How can you remember me?" I demanded, a slight bit of anger coloring my tone. She looked stunned, and then her expression turned into a playfully mischievous one.

"How can I forget you, Jake? I love you," She said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Behind me, Edward snarled louder, and was at my side in a flash. Bella's face fell, like someone unwanted had just showed up at a party. I reminded myself that it was probably close to the truth. She must not be too keen on spending time around the guy who'd caused her relentless pain; I wasn't talking about just the transformation, either. That must also be why she remembered me, the one who'd continuously picked her up every time Edward shattered her. She remembered me, not him. I couldn't help but feel a little cocky at that. Not only that, but she loved me. She'd just admitted it herself. The words sent a pleasant jitter through me—I smiled broadly. Of course she loved me.

"I know, honey. I love you too," It was true—vampire or no—I loved Bella with a deep passion that, unlike her heart, would never die down or stop burning. Edward's hands clenched into fists.

"I think we should get going now. The others are probably waiting," He suggested through gritted teeth.

"I'm not going anywhere with you." Bella's tone was cold and thick with malice and hatred. My eyes bulged.

"Bella, honey. I think you should. I'll come with you," I added quickly when she scowled. This seemed to be a good enough excuse. Her expression softened, and she took my hand right hand firmly—I noticed the absence of a wedding ring, and that brought Edward's attention to her left hand. I tried not to think about the brief pain that showed on his face before it was cloaked in a hard mask. I felt a pang of pity for the guy. It must have been even harder on him now that Bella seemed to be so attached to me. I frowned. We started to pick up speed, until the forest was flying around us. Bella refused to release my hand.

"Hey, Jake?"

"Yeah, Bells?"

"When was the last time you took a shower?"

"What?" I didn't see where she was going.

"You stink, Jake."

I burst into booming laughter, my shoulders shaking as we bounded through the forest. Even Edward supplied a faint chuckle, and Bella only stared at us in irritated amusement. I shrugged it off, and we traveled in a suddenly lighter mood.

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I know, I know. It's been like forever since I've updated. I apologize for that. Truly. And I'm even more sorry about the fact that this chapter sucks. It's pretty much just a filler to advance the plot a little. Please don't get mad at me for her remembering Jake and not Edward. I have an explanation for that. Like I said, it'll be in the next chapter. :D R&R please.

On an unrelated note, I think I'm putting Inconcessus Esurio on hold for a while; or at least until I get my muse back up. So don't be expecting any updates on that please. D: Sorreh.


	5. Edward: Realization

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**Chapter Five: Realization**

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I felt… not dead. Worse than that. I was burning. White-hot flames cloaked me, invisible but potent. I didn't believe that there was a pain that existed in the world so powerful, except perhaps the realization that Bella was dead. Still, did it not come down to the same thing, in the end? No. This pain was worse, because at least then, I had seen the cure to my agony quickly. I would be reunited with her in a shortly. There was no salvation from this torture. I had never experienced something so ghastly. Not even the most changing burn. Unafraid, I pulled _that_ memory up from a corner of my mind, while the rest drowned in the memories of Bella—over and over, like a broken record. Carefully, I compared the fire from my transformation to this new, overwhelming scorch that throbbed from my heart and spread in ripples through me. It was like comparing one tree to an entire forest.

Hadn't I said that once before? Yes… I rifled through my memories, yanking out the correct one in half a second.

"_Do you have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you?" I asked, pulling her closer and resting my chin on her hair. I wished I could stay like this forever, hold her in my arms and make sure nothing ever hurt her again. I felt her soft, warm lips press against my neck, and I smiled faintly, closing my eyes._

"_I know how much I love _you_," She murmured in answer. I held back a snort._

"_You compare one small tree to an entire forest."_

What a silly thing for her to say. There was no obvious way that my statement had ever been wrong. I was sure of that now. Had I actually believed that she could possibly love me even a portion as much as I did her? My hand clenched, and I felt the thin, fragile band of my wedding ring reshape against my stone skin. Not that it mattered anymore; Bella would never wear _hers _again. No, her hand was much more comfortable fitting inside of the werewolf's. Hadn't that memory of an argument been about Jacob? I wouldn't be able to stop her from being with him now; she was so much stronger than me, in more ways than one. I laughed once—black humor. Jacob turned his head toward me, and I winced at the expression on my face. Bella ignored me. I saw my face, somehow impossibly, twist into more agony through _his_ eyes. It reminded me of what I looked like through the eyes of others, back during my black ages without Bella.

This was so much worse than when I had left her to save her. At least then, some part of me knew—though I hoped she would someday recover—that she still loved me, and that would never fade. At least then, I could yearn for her openly, with nobody to have to act to. _That _pain I could endure, because I knew she was safe—I'd known nothing about Victoria at the time, of course, I thought I was chasing her to South America—and _human_; she would someday find a piece of happiness, the piece she _deserved_ after I'd ruined her life so thoroughly. Now there was nothing I could do or say or think that would make this right. Except let her be with Jacob. I could allow him this, as long as he was bringing her joy. I would _force_ myself, if nothing else, to leave. I owed Bella that much: as little reminder of me as possible. I pursed my lips and clenched my teeth against the pain that flared sickeningly in my dead, frozen heart from my own promise.

As we neared my home, I saw the mutt stiffen. Bella shot him a questioning look, but he shook his head and concentrated on controlling his shaking. My eyes narrowed, and I shot forward to take the lead. At that point, Jacob's thoughts were becoming unbearable—_ugh, I have to go into a house _full_ of those leeches. Stupid bloodsucker, he should have never come back… Why did he even interfere with her life in the first place?—_and I tried very hard to concentrate on the less aggressive thoughts of my father. He was watching Bella with concerned eyes, but I could tell how excited he was behind that primary emotion; finally, something new for him to study. I tried not to be resentful of that—besides, Bella wasn't mine anymore. It was excruciating, having to live up to my promise. Not to mention that Jacob _wasn't _helping; he was pushing at all the wrong buttons today. If he kept it up, he'd be lucky to see dusk. I sighed and entered the house, clenching my hands before I did something that might hurt Bella.

The dust that had gathered since our absence was gone and all the furniture had been put in their proper places. My family was quick and thorough. It was as if we'd never left. Why did we leave? Pain lanced through my veins, jolting my heart, and I wondered vaguely how much more I would have to take before I went pleading to the Volturi—again. I knew this time she wouldn't care to stop me. I almost sprinted to the couch—the pain was crippling. The rest of my family politely averted their attention from me, sympathy and pity lacing their thoughts. Only Rosalie was smug. She stood in the back corner of the room, facing the glass wall with her arms crossed. Though she didn't voice her opinions—in thoughts or out loud—her whole body seemed to radiate _I told you so. _I fought the urge to tear her head off.

Jasper, too, was trying to stay far away from me, focusing intensely on Bella. I knew he was pretending to be wary of her, but his real motivation was to get away from my torture. I felt guilty, and apologized the only way I could, with my emotions. Jasper smiled slightly at me, so I knew I was forgiven, but was concentrating too much on Bella to think coherently toward me. I was trying to do the opposite… And failing. Bella kept catching my attention no matter how hard I tried to listen to Carlisle's analysis. Eventually though, he cleared his throat—a human habit, trying to call the attention—and I looked at him, as did everyone else. His face was blank and smooth; he did a good job of hiding emotion, though Jasper and I weren't fooled. His curiosity was stronger than Jacob's disgust and discomfort. Both he and Bella stood in the open doorway, looking uneasy.

"Take a seat, please." Carlisle invited calmly, smiling at them and gesturing to the sofa beside my armchair.

Bella took a tentative step forward, yanking Jacob along. She seated herself on the far side of the long seat, scooting into the armrest and shooting a quick glance at me. _Oh._ She was trying to be away from me. Of course she would. I grimaced, as the hopes I hadn't known had been growing were squashed flat. Quickly, I got up and placed myself on the other side of the room, across from Rosalie, and sat on the stairs, folding my arms around my knees and trying to hold myself together. _Stop being an idiot. She doesn't want you._ I told myself firmly, and then sighed internally. _Not that it can possibly make me suffer more._

"Alright then, let's get this over with." Jacob grumbled, staring at Carlisle impatiently. I was surprised. His thoughts weren't hostile toward my father, or at least he was trying to make it that way. Curious, I probed further into the reason behind this attempted acceptance. Ah. He was… grateful?—that's what it seemed like, anyways—to Carlisle for healing him last summer. This shouldn't make me angry. Not at all.

"Err… Okay." Carlisle said, raising his eyebrow. So I wasn't the only one who'd noticed Jacob's trying-really-hard-to-be-nice voice.

Bella eyed him with a frown. "I feel perfectly fine, Carlisle. There's nothing wrong with me." She grumbled, exasperated. The way his name flowed easily through her lips should not make me jealous. Neither should the frequent glances she shot at Alice. My teeth came together audibly.

_Ah, Edward? _I looked up, at Jasper, whose face was contorted as he stared at me. _Too many emotions. You're throwing them around like whips. You need some help?_

I grimaced, and gave him an apologetic look—or at least, it was _supposed _to be apologetic under all the misery—and shook my head slightly. Jasper understood. He backed off, and we both turned our attention back to the group in the middle. Our small exchange had only lasted a second.

"I'm sure you are, on the outside, but there must be an explanation for your memory loss. I have come up with one theory."

As he spoke, the part of my mind that was still immersed in memories of Bella came to one in particular. I shot to my feet. This time, nobody ignored me. They all—with the exception of Rose—turned to look at me in confusion. Even Bella. I felt a little warmth in my heart, but it faded quickly. How pathetic, to jump at even the slightest acknowledgment. I'd lost my mind. More than that. My mind, my heart, my reason for life…

Focus.

I looked at Carlisle. "You're completely off. I am ninety-nine percent sure that I have it figured out." I said, the heartbreak marring with the triumph in my voice. Knowing the reason to my problem wasn't going to solve it. Still… I took a deep breath, and turned to look at Bella. The agony was too much, I looked at her feet instead as I repeated the words she had said to me, such a long time ago; my voice was a perfect impersonation of it.

"I do a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my mind."

The silence in the room was broken with a series of sickening cracks as Bella crushed all of the bones in Jacob's hand.

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**I know, I know. Its been forever. I'm not very good with keeping up with things. Sorry about that. If I let you have this really intense chapter, will you forgive me? =^-^=**


	6. Jacob: Battle

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**Chapter 6: Battle**

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I was still in shock. The pain hadn't caught up to me yet. Dark eyes, ringed with scarlet and wide with horror and regret were locked on mine, holding me in place and deadening my senses. My mouth opened, and I sucked in a ragged breath when Bella's eyes fell to our linked hands. Her icy white fingers were still locked onto mine in a death grip. It looked like every bone in my hand had been smashed like a bag of crackers. How many seconds had passed with everyone in the room frozen and completely silent? Five? Twenty? Minutes? Hours? I couldn't tell—my head was whirling around wildly. I was the only one breathing; my heart was the only one racing. I think I was about to be sick.

Finally, _finally—_though I didn't wish it—the agony shot through my arm, and the air flew out of me in a tortured groan. The ice sculptures in the room thawed out, and there was a flutter of panic around me. Bella moved her hand away blindingly fast, and started sobbing apologies so fast that her voice was just a remorseful trilling. I furrowed my brow and bit on my tongue until it bled, trying to keep the pain from my breathing. My hand was already trying to heal, and I knew if it continued at this rate it would come out deformed.

As always, Carlisle was three steps ahead of everyone. He kept his cool, though I could see in his eyes that he was shaken too. Before a full second had passed, he had vanished and returned with his medical equipment from god knows where. He was all business as he jabbed a needle—just a tiny prick compared to the terrible, jolting throb in my right hand—into the crease of my elbow. A few minutes later, a numb, dead feeling spread through my arm. I knew the morphine wouldn't last long; I could already feel my body trying to expel it. I could only hope the Doc was fast, and that he had more of it. With an apologetic glance at me, Carlisle broke my hand again and straightened out my fingers. I winced as the pain began to resurface already, but then the short, perky one was there, another needle in her tiny hands. I don't know why she looked so ridiculously scary with it in her hands. My arm went numb again, and I closed my eyes and tried to take deep breaths.

The sudden rush of panic was making me nauseous. I focused on Bella's startled, worried voice, still chanting "sorry, sorry, sorry." It calmed me some. She had moved, I could smell her across the room, and I opened my eyes and frowned at her. Did she think I was mad at her? She shouldn't feel guilty for something like this, especially when I healed as fast as I did. I didn't blame her; it was Edward's fault for catching her off guard. He was the one that kept screwing up. Because I had sensed this coming, I was prepared when the subject of my thoughts came lunging at me. Carlisle hadn't put my cast on yet, so I was able to crouch on the ground and dodge Edwards's fist. As it was, he came so fast that I heard the whistle of air as his arm flew a centimeter away from my ear. I jumped up from my crouch, already sprinting as the heat flowed down my spine. I didn't want to be near Bella when I phased. Plus, I was running low on clothes as it was. I dashed into the forest and yanked my pants off reflexively while the fire shot outward from my body. There was no time to roll my shorts up—Edward was hot on my heels—so I just dropped them as I burst through my skin. In a quick and easy movement, I whirled around in a complete 180 and leaped forward, fangs bared as I locked eyes with Edward.

_Jacob? What the hell is going on?_

The rest of my pack was in disoriented panic as they flipped through my thoughts. I ignored them, keeping my eyes on Edward as he jumped to my left. I swept out with my paw—but he was feinting, and I winced as he ducked under me and kicked upward. Another crack told me he'd fractured my rib. A distorted howl rolled through my teeth and I rolled over, catching hold of his arm with my teeth. Fury blazed in his eyes as I put my paw against his chest and shoved him to the ground, tearing off his arm as I did so. Still, it was my injured paw, and it took all my willpower to hold him down while he struggled. The fire in his eyes dimmed as he lay under me, and though I knew he could throw me twenty feet into the air right now if he wanted to, he was letting me win. There was no reason for him to have attacked me in the first place. I slowly removed my claws from his chest—noting the four large gashes that I'd left in his stony skin—and dropped his arm next to him. I backed away, then, and collapsed on my belly, panting heavily.

Bella was there of course, her expression mirroring Esme's as she shot to my side—Esme stopped at Edward, of course. Her hands fluttered over me, and she whimpered my name over and over. I nudged her softly with my head to let her know I was alright. The rest of the leeches were over there with _him_, but Carlisle looked as if he was about to come over to us, concern in his eyes. The big beefy one looked like he wanted to come over here too, but not for the same reason. I saw murder in his expression. Bella did, too. She deliberately stood in front of me and snarled angrily, locking eyes with him, then the tall blond one, then Blondie, then _him._ Her eyes flamed with black hatred when she glared at Edward. He met her gaze with the same agony as before, like a man being submerged into a flaming vat of acid in hell, but this time I felt no pity for him.

My anger was raw and unrelenting; I was still hungry for more. I wanted to make him pay for what he did—not to me, I didn't care about myself, but to Bella. The fury rolled through me in thick jolts, like electricity charging me up. I was suddenly on all fours; my body moved on its own now, I was not commanding it. He got up too, holding his hand against the shoulder I mangled when I tore off his arm. Reattaching himself. Like a sick puzzle. Nausea rolled through me, and came out through my teeth in the form of a disgusted snarl. His eyes tightened, and he stepped toward me, sliding into a crouch. When it seemed like the big guy and the tall blond were going to mimic him, he shot them glares and spoke so fast that I hardly understood him. It sounded like he said, "Em, Jazz, this is my fight, stay out of it." Bella apparently had the same notion that 'Em and Jazz' did, because she stepped up beside me and leaned forward with her teeth bared. I didn't like this, but I knew by now that she was well strong enough to protect herself. Besides, who was I to deny her her revenge? We stalked forward slowly.

_Jacob. Don't do this._ Seth wined unhappily, watching the scene through my eyes as the pack raced toward us.

_They're going to die anyway, Seth. They broke the treaty. Bella's been changed._ I abruptly realized the truth of this. Sam wouldn't hurt Bella, would he?

_I'm sorry, Jacob, but she is our enemy. _Sam thought quietly, sorrow in his heart.

_No! Sam, she's not a Cullen! You've seen the way she's behaved! She _loathes_ them! We can't hurt her!_ I stopped walking instantly, but Bella kept moving forward.

_It can't be helped Jacob. I'm sorry._

That did it. I sat back on my haunches, lifting my muzzle to the sky and howling mournfully. I did not care what they said she was, I loved her and I would die to protect her.

_No you will not. You will stand down, Jacob. _The Alpha voice reverberated through Sam's thoughts, and I sank to the ground, the howl still sounding from my throat.

_No. _I protested, and it was almost a sob. _Please. _

_I had no choice in the matter though, because at that moment a gray streak bounded through the trees and tackled Bella with a snarl._

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**So I actually updated this sooner than I'd expected. I had a little inspiration, and was in the mood to write. I think my skills have been getting a little rusty, though. Sorry if this is a little lower quality than what you're used to. Sorry about the cliffhangers. I really don't know why I use them so much. I guess I like torturing you. Teehee.**

**In other, unrelated news... I turned fourteen since my last post! Woot! I'm older now. Not wiser, not taller, but what can a girl do, you know? Write, I suppose.**


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